One of my most treasured methods of self healing was writing letters i'd never send. never meant to be read, or seen by the eyes my words were directed to. it is my favorite coping mechanism that allows me to say everything i need to, in all my gloriously clever ways without being interrupted or losing my train of thought. almost like free association writing about my pain, or anger, etc. i even wrote a song about it once long ago, ORCHESTRATED by a more general, "to whom it may concern" agenda. i haven't done this in quite some time though, and I even managED to somehow step outside my comfort zone and actually mail one of these elusive letters. not that i regret it or anything, but it certainly didn't reach the party in the way it was supposed to and didn't help my cause much. come to think of it, i had this peculiar dream around the time i sent the letter that sort of speaks volumes now, but i didn't completely understand at the time. I remember seeing a room filled with nothing but letters hung up on the walls, and in piles on the floor. Actual physical letters of the alphabet, all 26 randomly hanging around not really spelling anything but just garishly THERE. something caused this very room to BECOME suddenly infested with all kinds of insects. I WAS forced to hire an exterminator, because the insects were spilling out into the rest of the house. a house that of course looks nothing like my own, as it often does in dreams. anyway, i think now i understand tHE LETTERS HOUSED IN THIS ROOM REPRESENTED EVERYTHING I EVER SAID OR WANTED TO SAY, ALL THE WORDS I NEEDED TO BUILD, WHILE THE INFESTATION WAS SYMBOLIC OF ALL THE INTENTION BEHIND THEM ROTTING AWAY. I HAD TO FUMIGATE ALL THE NEGATIVITY. i think this dream came to me to remind me to REBUILD THOSE words, WITH NEW INTENTION.
TO WRITE LETTERS AGAIN FOR NO ONE BUT MYSELF.